How to talk to a family member or friend about their drug or alcohol use

Signs of higher-risk drug and alcohol use, how to talk to someone about their drug and alcohol use, and how to get help.

It can be hard to talk to someone you love about their drug or alcohol use but it is important. Substance use, like drugs and alcohol, can have negative effects on someone's life and the lives of those around them. Family and friends are an important support system for someone who is looking for help.

Signs to look for

If you start to notice that a family member or friend is acting differently than before or is having problems in various aspects of their life, they may be struggling with substance use, like drugs or alcohol. Here are some signs you can look for:

Changed personality

Isolate themselves from friends and family
Extreme changes in their behaviour and mood, like:
- arguing and fighting more with family and friends, especially when someone comments on their drug or alcohol use
- being sad, angry or anxious whenever they are not using drugs or alcohol
Trouble remembering things or staying alert
Trouble with concentration, memory and the ability to think and make decisions
Take risks to get and use drugs or alcohol
Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed

Change in habits around their drug or alcohol use

Using drugs or alcohol first thing in the morning, or while at school or work
Using more drugs or alcohol to get the same effect
Using more often
Using alone
Spending more money on drugs or alcohol
Turning to drugs or alcohol to deal with their problems
Choosing new activities and friends based on using drugs or alcohol
Trying new types of drugs, or mixing drugs and alcohol together, to get a more intense effect

Difficulty managing basic parts of their life due to increased drug and alcohol use

Getting lower grades at school or lower productivity at work
Missing school or work
Decreased health
Unstable finances
Strained or tense relationships
Lower self-esteem

How to talk to someone about their drug or alcohol use

Sometimes a person may not realize that their drug or alcohol use has become a problem. Talking to them can help and may be the encouragement they need to seek help.

Starting the conversation can be tough or uncomfortable, but there are ways you can show that you care. Be aware that the conversation might bring out strong emotions and may not go as you expect. That is okay. It will still show your family member or friend that you care.

Here are some tips to help you talk to someone about their drug or alcohol use:

Learn the facts

To prepare for the conversation, you should learn the facts about the substances you are concerned about, including their short and long-term effects, and their risks:

Choose the time and place with care

Don't bring up the subject while the person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol
Make sure you are in a private location where no one can hear

Show concern and be compassionate

Tell them you are worried because you care or love them, and want the best for them
Explain why you are concerned based on the behaviours you have seen

Listen

The goal is to have a two-way conversation
There may be underlying reasons why they are using drugs or alcohol, such as mental health problems including depression, or to cope with previous or ongoing trauma or violence
Listen for these potential issues and acknowledge their feelings and experiences without probing them
It may help inform the type of help you encourage your friend or family member to seek

Don't stigmatize

Be mindful of your own tone and biases
Avoid being judgmental

Respect where they are in their journey

Listen to and respond to the wishes of the person you are talking to
Offer support and resources, but ultimately the decision about seeking help is up to them
Don't expect a dramatic shift in thinking or behaviour right away
Recovery is possible but the path to wellness looks different for everyone

Make a list of the good things in their life

Sometimes people can lose sight of the good things they have in their life and their personal strengths
Remind them that there are friends, family members, groups, activities and other things that make getting help worthwhile
Recognize their strengths and their ability to overcome this

Be patient

A conversation about drugs and alcohol is challenging and can make someone feel angry or defensive
Don't rush the conversation or feel you need to find a solution right away
If you need to come back and have further conversations another day, do so
Tell them you are there for them, and that they can talk to you anytime

Your words matter

Be aware of the language you use when talking to someone about drugs or alcohol. If someone feels they are being treated unkindly, or judged, they are less likely to seek help.

Use person-first language, for example say 'a person who uses drugs' instead of 'drug user'
Use neutral, medically accurate words when describing drug or alcohol use
Use language that focuses on health and wellness being possible, but looks different for everyone

Learn more about stigma and why words matter

Get help

Encourage your family member or friend to call, visit or read information online. You can even offer to go with them as support if they are nervous to go alone.

In addition to you being a supportive family member or friend, there are resources in your community that can help.

Learn more

Get help with substance use

Taking care of yourself

Before you can help someone else, you need to take care of yourself. Helping someone can be mentally, physically and emotionally draining.

Remember that you do not need to take on all of your family member’s or friend’s problems. It is important to protect your mental and emotional wellbeing when dealing with serious issues too.

Be hopeful, don’t give up. Seek help and support.

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Date modified:: 2024-04-03

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