National Coming Out Day: Defence Team member makes history

October 11, 2023 - Defence Stories

This article was contributed by Positive Space Program.

With their diverse backgrounds and lived experiences, Defence Team members are making history every day. By celebrating the perspectives and achievements of Defence Team members who are Two Spirit, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, and those of additional sexual or gender identities (2SLGBTQI+), we empower more members to be themselves in the workplace.

This Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) History Month, the Positive Space Program sat down with one of our community members, Petty Officer 2^nd Class (PO2) Carben Hamilton, the first nonbinary service member to formally request recognition and accommodation, to discuss their experience in the Canadian Armed Forces (CAF) and with Team Canada as a Camogie athlete, an Irish stick-and-ball team sport.

PO2 Hamilton, please tell us about yourself.

My name is Carben, but I often go by CJ. I am a PO2 Naval Combat Information Operator (NCIOP) in the Naval Reserve. I joined in 2010 and have had many opportunities to explore the world, but I am settled now in my hometown of Montreal and work remotely as a Class B program developer for the Chief, Professional Conduct and Culture (CPCC).

What was it like, coming out as transgender and transitioning as a military member?

Honestly, my journey started out rough. I came out as trans non-binary in March 2020, so it’s safe to say that it was a wild time. I submitted my memo for transgender accommodation in June of 2020. It was surreal to write about something so deeply personal and just…staff it up the chain. It was a truth that had taken so long for me to process personally, summarized neatly in standard military format for my chain of command to consider.

It was a challenging and unprecedented period with the start of the pandemic, and I found myself also navigating uncharted waters with the Forces. I was the first member to formally request recognition and accommodation as a non-binary person, so my chain of command found themselves in an unprecedented position, without necessarily having the tools for success.

There were growing pains, but engaging in those conversations ultimately led me to my current employment as a Program Developer with the Positive Space Program. I design workshops to equip Defence Team members with the tools that they need to support each other, in the ways that I wish that I had been supported during those early days of my transition.

You’ve had a whirlwind year, professionally and personally. What has it been like for you?

Receiving gender affirming medical care saved my life, no doubt about it. I had difficulty accessing the medical care that I needed through the military. In 2022, after two years, I chose healthcare over employment. I had become desperate enough that I decided to sever my Class C contract and return to Class A for a few months so that I could be covered under Quebec public healthcare. It truly felt like life or death, and I was willing to sacrifice my livelihood to make it happen. I received my long-awaited double mastectomy a few months later.

It's difficult to talk about my top surgery without getting emotional, because the joy of reclaiming your own body is beyond articulation. Despite a love of fitness, I had stopped moving my body in any way that would remind me of the parts I couldn’t come to terms with. Once my post-operative restrictions were lifted, I felt peace, love, and joy in my own skin in a way that seemed almost spiritual. I felt as if I could take on the world! I wanted to push my body to see what it was capable of now that my mind and body were on the same page. Spoiler alert: quite a lot.

Within six months of surgery, I was setting personal bests in the weight room and running (and winning) 10k races. Turns out, I was ready to take on the world. I was chosen to join Team Canada in the sport of Camogie and started preparing for the trip to Derry, Northern Ireland to compete in the Gaelic Athletic Association World Games. Personnel Support Programs (PSP) supported my travel, as an Out Service component of the CAF Sports program.

In previous World Games, Team Canada only won a single match in the novice category. They became beloved for their positive attitudes and their warmup routine set to Shania Twain’s “Up”. Coming into World Games 2023, Canada was not considered a major contender. We defied all expectations when we took that team cohesion to the pitch. Our first upset was qualifying for the intermediate category. We kept the upsets coming and worked our way to the final, where we beat Germany to take home the Shield for the first time in Canadian history! My team is an incredible group of athletes and humans, and they made the experience into the surreal ride that it was.

What would you like to tell other Defence Team members who may be considering transitioning?

Transitioning is not always easy – but often, things that are worth doing are challenging. I had some incredibly difficult moments, but without living through those moments I would never have gotten to experience the magic that is trans joy—to be myself. It’s a scary time to be trans in today’s society, but it is not something you can switch off. The choice is whether you’re willing to pursue your euphoria.

In therapy, during my transition, we worked on occupying space. Part of transitioning is having those around you change their habits and vocabularies, which can feel scary and like taking up space in their lives. It is necessary in order to occupy your own space in your life. You deserve to live in a way that is authentic, even if those around you need to adjust their habits. You matter, and you deserve to be you.

The CAF strives to reflect the population that it serves. Our population is beautifully diverse. Attracting, retaining, and including that beautiful diversity within the CAF makes us stronger. Two-Spirit, transgender, non-binary, and gender non-conforming Canadians deserve to see themselves reflected and represented in uniform. If we contribute to that reflection and make the CAF a more hospitable place for 2SLGBTQI+ Canadians, that can be an incredibly powerful way to serve. 

Thank you to PO2 Hamilton for sharing their story, and for all their exceptional contributions to the work of the Defence Team.

If you would like to learn more about how to support 2SLGBTQI+ community members, please visit the Positive Space Program Resources, and check out the Positive Space micro credential series on Defence Learning Network 3.0 (accessible on DWAN only).